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Home :: Archive :: 1997 :: January ::
Re: A Great Caesar
Shakespeare Electronic Conference, SHK 8.0067.  Thursday, 16 January 1997.

(1)     From:   Terence Hawkes <
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        Date:   Wednesday, 15 Jan 1997 13:37:39 -0500
        Subj:   SHK 8.0058  Q: A Great Caesar

(2)     From:   John P. Dwyer <
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        Date:   Wednesday, 15 Jan 1997 17:30:20 +0000
        Subj:   Re: SHK 8.0058 Q: A Great Caesar

(3)     From:   David J. Kathman <
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        Date:   Wednesday, 15 Jan 1997 22:14:43 +0100
        Subj:   Julius Sizzer


(1)----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From:           Terence Hawkes <
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Date:           Wednesday, 15 Jan 1997 13:37:39 -0500
Subject: Q: A Great Caesar
Comment:        SHK 8.0058  Q: A Great Caesar

Dear Mr Swilley: Your access to Marc Antony's 'true feelings' suggests you may
be able to shed some light on whether or not Lady Macbeth 'really' faints. I am
agog. Really. Truly.

Terence Hawkes

(2)----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From:           John P. Dwyer <
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Date:           Wednesday, 15 Jan 1997 17:30:20 +0000
Subject: 8.0058 Q: A Great Caesar
Comment:        Re: SHK 8.0058 Q: A Great Caesar

Dear Louis C. Swilley:

Although not much of a Shakespeare scholar (and definitely not an actor nor a
director), may I suggest that the element of your post:  *And that pompous, "I
am as constant as the northern star" speech* is perhaps a personal and even
collective response to not only Gielgud's production (and others), but may be a
complete misreading.  For instance may the claim be heard as not altogether
pompous (nor humorous)?  A man desperate within himself may lay claim to
consistency as a saving/ redeeming factor despite all else.  Remember, pity
runneth soon in a noble heart.

John Dwyer

(3)----------------------------------------------------------------------------
From:           David J. Kathman <
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Date:           Wednesday, 15 Jan 1997 22:14:43 +0100
Subject:        Julius Sizzer

This is rather off-topic, but the query about the character of Caesar somehow
reminded me of the story of Julius Caesar as told by the late, great Milt
Gross.  Gross was a humorist in the early part of this century, and his schtick
was to retell familiar stories in the Yiddish-influenced dialect of first- and
second-generation urban Jews.  I don't know why I've always found his stuff so
hilarious, because I'm not Jewish at all, but it still makes me chuckle 15
years after I first discovered it.  It's been my experience that some people
just find his writing exasperating, but I hope at least some SHAKSPERians will
find it half as hilarious as I do.  Anyway, with apologies to Shakespeare, here
is Milt Gross' version of Julius Caesar.

Dave Kathman

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           How It Got Bomped Huff Julius Sizzer
           ------------------------------------

Julius Sizzer was a hemperor from Rumm wot he liked honly fet pipple.  So was
likewice leeving in Rumm a conspeerator wot he was entitled Kessius -- wot he
was werry, werry skeeny wot he weighed gradually a tuttle from ninety-hate
ponds -- (soaking wat yat) -- witt de harmor on witt a monkeh wranch yat in de
beck pocket, witt a heepo hunder wan harm ivvin!!  So in view from de sleem
phizzik he was a whole time in Dotch witt Sizzer.  So from monnink teel nite he
was itting brad witt potatiss witt meelk witt crim witt botter witt hall kinds
from stotchy foods it should inkriss by heem de hedverdupois.  So de murr wot
he hate, so de sleemer grew de feegure!! So he sad -- "Yi Yi Yi -- I'll hev to
skim opp a skimm!"  So he ren queeck by Brutus wot he sad so:

"Hollo, hold top -- come lat's we should tie on de nuzz-beg!!"  (Brutus, by de
way, was redder rotund.  So Kessius, dot jeep, was trying to inwiggle heem in
he should ulso be skeeny, occurding de haddage wot meesery luffs weesitors/)
"Wot you'll hev, Brootie??  Try de grapefroot -- witt a leedle peeckles witt
lamon-jooze!!  Witt a pine-hepple -- goot -- Come we'll go now by a Toikish
bett we'll lay arond gradually in de stim-romm, I should tukk over a
preposition!!"

So Brutus sad: "Ho K, is by me agribble."

So Kessius sad: "You know dees guy Sizzer?"

"Yeh."

"So lat's we should cruk heem!!"

So Brutus sad: "Why we should cruk heem??"

So Kessius sad: "Bicuss it itches by heem de palm."

So Brutus sad: "Hm -- for mine pot it could itch by heem hall over!  I'm werry
leeberal-minded.  Besites he's a goot guy -- he riffused he should accept a
cron!"

So Kessius sad: "Ha Ha!  A prass-hagent geg!!  Dot's jost noosepaper tukk!
Deedn't I saw heem de odder night in de badroom in de front from a meeror a
whole night trying hon crons??  Ha HA!  Riffused a cron!!  Benena Hoil!!"

So Brutus sad: "YI YI YI!! So for dees we'll geeve heem de woiks!  So how??
Witt knifes witt deggers, maybe!!"

"How about peestols?"

"Too motch noize.  We could tie heem maybe on a railroad treck -- it should
come alung de train --"

"Nup I got it -- we'll sand heem a cake it should be insite a bomb so --
Sh-sh-sh -- Pipe don -- here he comes... Hollo Julie, hold top, we was jost
tukking wot a great guy you are, ha, Brutus?"

So Sizzer sad: "Hollo Brutus -- Wot's dees?  You kerrying now a cane?? Oh --
oxcuse me -- it's YOU, Kessius -- skerkrow!!  Hm -- stend front-ways so I could
see you?  Wal, wal -- De skaleton in harmor, ha?  Steel training for a jockey,
ha?  You deedn't sleeped yat don de drain-pipe from a battob? Wal, wal --
gatting woister avery day... Shot one heye so you'll look gradually like a
niddle!!!  Hmm -- sonds like a pair from dice whan he wukks! So tonight by de
dence werr at list a peelow onder de gomment odder a balloon, a blun-opp one, I
should be hable I should look you in de faze -- beg from bones, you!!"

So Kessius gafe a leff: "HA HA HA HA!!  You sure a penic, Julius, I soitinly
gatting a keeck from you queeps ivvin if is on me de juk!  S'lonk!!" (Of cuss
he rilly deedn't minn it he was jost hecting a pot.)  "Slonk -- so like I was
saying, Brutus, we'll hall kraut arond heem so I'll say 'Why does it lay a
cheecken a hagg, Julius?'  So he'll henswer: 'In horder he shouldn't break it!'
 So whan he'll geeve de henswer'll be de tsignal we should geeve heem de
woiks!!"

           Pot Two
           -------

Sootsayer: "Bewerr from de Hides from Motch, Sizzer!!"

Sizzer: "Why I should bewerr from de Hides from Motch??"

Sootsayer: "It stends in de Crystal Ball signs you should bewerr from de Hides
from Motch!"

Sizzer: "Noo, it stends ulso in de sobway signs I should dreenk Cula-Cola!! Is
dees a criterion??  Hm -- geeve a look a whole mob -- Hey wot you teenk diss
is, boyiss?  De Kenel Stritt sobway station?  Should I know why it lays a
cheeken haggs??  Boyiss -- put away de deggers -- Deedn't I told you guys --
neex on de mommbly-pag beezness -- Whoooooy -- Hay -- I tink wot dey trying to
essessinate me!!"

Kraut: "Hm -- You ketch right hon, dunt you?"  Wot dey gafe heem witt de
deggers so -- wot it looked gradually de gomment like it came beck jost from a
wat-wash lundry.

So dees was de cocklusion from Julius Sizzer.
 

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