The Shakespeare Conference: SHK 12.0466 Wednesday, 28 February 2001
Date: Tuesday, 27 Feb 2001 09:53:11 EST
Subject: Hamlet, from bad to verse
OK, so it's not Dr Seuss, (I'm not sure WHAT it is) but here it is.
My name was Hamlet, Hamlet the Dane,
And I wandered around full of terrible pain.
I'd fallen in love with a girl named Ophelia,
(No, not Ramona, and no, not Bedelia).
But she popped her cork and just wandered around,
Giving folk-song recitals until she was drowned.
My mom left me feeling like Oedipus Rex,
Though my father was buried, she's still wanting sex.
My friend was Horatio, I asked him to linger
'Cause he is no stop for old Fortune's finger,
(Whatever THAT means) -- and I liked him a lot,
He hasn't my problems with To Be, or Not.
My father appeared in the form of a ghost,
But he didn't warn me that I too was toast.
A high body count was the end of the story;
For a dreamy young fellow, my methods are gory.
My uncle's a jerk, but I gave him the boot,
So carry me off -- tell the soldiers "Ah, shoot."