The Shakespeare Conference: SHK 12.0466  Wednesday, 28 February 2001

From:           Harvey Greenberg <
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Date:           Tuesday, 27 Feb 2001 09:53:11 EST
Subject:        Hamlet, from bad to verse

OK, so it's not Dr Seuss, (I'm not sure WHAT it is) but here it is.

My name was Hamlet, Hamlet the Dane,
And I wandered around full of terrible pain.

I'd fallen in love with a girl named Ophelia,
(No, not Ramona, and no, not Bedelia).

But she popped her cork and just wandered around,
Giving folk-song recitals until she was drowned.

My mom left me feeling like Oedipus Rex,
Though my father was buried, she's still wanting sex.

My friend was Horatio, I asked him to linger
'Cause he is no stop for old Fortune's finger,

(Whatever THAT means) -- and I liked him a lot,
He hasn't my problems with To Be, or Not.

My father appeared in the form of a ghost,
But he didn't warn me that I too was toast.

A high body count was the end of the story;
For a dreamy young fellow, my methods are gory.

My uncle's a jerk, but I gave him the boot,
So carry me off -- tell the soldiers "Ah, shoot."