The Shakespeare Conference: SHK 15.0521 Tuesday, 24 February 2004
From: Andy Jones <
Date: Saturday, 21 Feb 2004 21:45:10 -0400
Subject: Prizes for The Cordelia Game
I don't need to say thank you to everyone who contributed to this
thread, since I will, instead, be offering liquid refreshment in a few
I've added a couple of my own ideas at the end of this email. You will
be able to tell if Hardy has bowlderised by reference to whether the
posting ends with a misquote from Julius Caesar. (If it doesn't, those
of you not-easily-offended may contact me offlist for the unexpurgated
Anyway, to the prizes. As you will recall, the aim of the game was to
suggest speeches which, if uttered, would scupper the plot of a
Firstly, an honourable mention for Ed Taft's contribution, which I
enjoyed a lot although he was definitely playing a different game.
Next, pints of Flowers Original in the Dirty Duck to Scott Sharplin, to
Dan Smith (I loved "TAMORA - 'I don't want to make a fuss, but is this
vegan?'") and to those who contacted me offlist, whose anonymity I'm
happy to preserve. [One offlist response ended "and so forth..." which I
think is a fair comment on this game. You can lose patience with it long
before you think you'll run out of ideas.]
The star prize (that's two pints of Flowers Original in the Dirty Duck,
obviously) to Clifford Stetner, partly for his brilliant replies, but
also for the courage to respond in verse, knowing full well the tendency
of SHAKSPEReans to criticise scansion upon the slightest provocation.
Some of my own possible answers are:
PROSPERO: I didn't like to tell them, but I'd never learned to read. So
that 's why we're stuck on this island, Miranda. Yes, Mr Caliban, sir,
I'll be there in a moment, sir!
HENRY VI [of YORK]: Off with his head!
HENRY VI [On first meeting Queen Margaret]: My God, you're ugly! Go and
live in banishment with Sir John Stanley in the Isle of Man!
LADY ANNE: What a good idea! [stabs Richard to death]
ORLANDO: Um, you don't fancy dinner with me, at all, do you, M. LeBeau?
IAGO: Ancient? Excellent! It's my dream job, you know.
ROSALINE: Yes, Romeo, I will marry you.
PRINCE OF ARRAGON: I'll choose the lead casket, please.
3rd WITCH: All hail Macbeth, that shall be kind hereafter.
GONERIL: Oh, come on daddy, I don't love you that much. I mean, you are
a bit crotchety, aren't you? And Albany's rather sweet...
...and a personal favourite:
MARK ANTHONY: Friends, Romans, C*nts...
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